Marriages are made on heaven, hell or earth

Who says, marriages are made in heaven? If it is so, why certain people are becoming a victim of its pluses and minuses on this planet earth?

Marriage is said to be a sacred knot but its natural base is of physical relations between the opposite genders, given a legal name of marriage, by the society.

Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration and each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together.

With the passage of time, the marriages within the caste, nearest relations, out of caste become a routine matter. At the same time, certain rigid communities banned marriages within the same gotra – caste.

EXPERIENCE AS WOMEN COUNSELLING CELL

When I joined the Counseling Cell about two days back, the priority of the dispute was dowry, ego, misunderstanding, extramarital relations, addiction, property dispute and over a number of petty issues like differences between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open.

Once there was a case of dispute between the couple married without the consent of parents of both the parents of the girl. The boy had fallen in love while serving at one station in the same department. He was short in height, intelligent promising and full of confidence. He loved life and wanted to live it well. She was an extraordinarily beautiful girl, always gracious and stylishly dressed and had a sparkling sense of humour. She too was attracted and soon the bond became deeper.

I used to meet both of them off and on and they were quite frank in talking even before me but hardly had they said, I love you very much to each other. They used to smile and ignore it.

I was told that he tried to keep the family atmosphere happy and peaceful. But her wife wanted to dominate him and impose her own living style on him. At long last, he realized that he had lost his much cherished freedom. For quite some time, they had lived a fractured life continuing to live a miserable life.

STRANGE INCIDENT

However, on one fine morning after a gap of three years, when I had gone to the Counseling Cell, I saw both of them standing outside separately but none was with them.

The dispute is only of ego at the level of the girl. Even then the girl was adamant about rehabilitation. I along with my colleagues did their counseling by sharing with them our experience. I told, in marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler than a reformer.

But only once sentence of the girl to the boy changed their life and they withdraw the application without taking any action on it.

FRANKLY SPEAKING

Frankly speaking, I was stunned to hear during my counseling career what she said, “I have one brother and my husband has one sister, let both be married and live for some time and I will opt for divorce”.

For a moment, I could make out that the marriages are not made on heaven or hell but on earth. It is you and your partner who can decide whether to make marriage heaven or a hell but these are definitely decided in a four-wall home with a roof by living happily.

IN A LIGHTER WAY ALSO

But when the re-united coupled asked me the secret of our long marriage, I said in a lighter way – we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week over a little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing?  In a lighter way, I said, She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.