Burden of Secrets: Why We Struggle to Keep Them

Harish Monga – Author – Frankly Speaking

Keeping secrets is a responsibility, but sometimes, difficult situations arise. What should be done in such moments? Understanding the psychology behind it is essential.

The “burden of secrets” refers to the psychological strain and negative emotional impact that comes from keeping something hidden, often causing feelings of shame, isolation, anxiety, and a sense of weight due to the constant need to conceal information, which can significantly impact mental well-being and relationships. 

One whispering in another ear means someone is speaking very quietly and directly into another person’s ear, usually to share a secret, intimate information, or a piece of gossip, implying a close proximity and a desire for privacy; it signifies a confidential exchange between two people. 

It is often observed that when someone shares a secret with you, expecting you to keep it confidential, they feel relieved. However, the real challenge lies in how one manages to keep that secret. We assume that people will never disclose it, yet, over time, confidential information tends to spread—not just in professional settings but also in everyday life. What surprises me the most is that even those who have nothing to do with the matter somehow become aware of it.

Psychological studies suggest that secrets often surface due to human tendencies. People unconsciously reveal information they are supposed to keep confidential. In most cases, it is not intentional but happens subtly through indirect conversations, emotions, and expressions.

However, first, there are some secrets which are easily forgotten over time and never discuss again. Second, some secrets come out indirectly and they surface through emotions, gestures, or unintended conversations. And thirdly, secrets are sometimes deliberately revealed as some people cannot resist the urge to share something they know, especially in emotional or social situations. A sense of trust or pressure can lead them to disclose it.

Frankly speaking, the best approach is to ask yourself: Is keeping this secret affecting my mental peace? If it is causing stress, find a responsible way to release that burden. Self-reflection, seeking professional guidance, or confiding in a trusted person may help.

I recall advising that when someone is under stress, they should share their problem or secret with a person of the opposite gender—such as a husband confiding in a woman other than his wife and a wife sharing with a man other than her husband.

By understanding these psychological aspects, one can maintain inner peace and avoid unnecessary stress.